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If you have taught your child all the rules of ‘stranger danger’ you have protected him/her from a 1% chance of being sexually abused. This leaves your child vulnerable to the most likely sexual child abuse offender, family members or other trusted adults. 80% of children are sexually abused by a family member, 19% are abused by someone the child knows and trusts. The other little known statistic is the frequency of sexual child abuse. David Finkelhor and Dianna Russell’s research reveals 62% of girls and 31% of boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Unfortunately this statistic is considered low due to the difficulty in gathering data through surveys or reporting agencies.
For many decades we have screamed, ranted, condemned, demanded and enacted legislation to punish sex offenders to little avail. The news media and magazines have joined in the campaign to illuminate the problem after the damage is done. As a result of the media’s incessant coverage and hype of ‘strangers,’ we have come to believe if we teach our children about ‘stranger danger,’ we have thoroughly protected our children from this horrific crime.
The first response we form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. ‘I don’t have to be concerned about that in my community. That would never happen in my family.’ The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. To understand how sexual child abuse is perpetrated by the person we least suspect one needs to have a comprehensive definition of sexual abuse.
“Traditionally, incest [sexual abuse] was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force.
Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child’s expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse.
As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator’s age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated.. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).”
There are two types of sexual abuse approaches—overt and covert.
Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature.
Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she/he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his/her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his/her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with him/herself because he/she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her/him discounts signs of the abuse, because we don’t want to believe someone with a sterling public image would do such a thing. Thus the child feels crazy, as if she/he is the one with the problem.
One example of overt sexual abuse whereby the perpetrator disguises his actions and those present are in denial about what is transpiring is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported seeing. Her father (her perpetrator) kissed his granddaughter, her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece finished her bath. Her sister, the child’s mother, the child’s grandmother (wife of the perpetrator) were present. “My sister and mother (the child’s grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting,” she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in therapy she would not have considered it sexual abuse either.
An example of covert sexual abuse by someone we least expect is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been ‘fondled’ when she was nine by a family friend. “He helped me on with my coat at a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast.” This type fondling is often times referred to as ‘coping a feel.’ No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. Women know how icky it feels when a man ‘cops a feel.’ Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced?
Another example of covert sexual abuse by someone you least expect was told to me by my client, Rickie (not his real name). He remembered being held by his mother’s best friend in the water at the beach when he was six, while his parents sat on the beach. Fully protected from view by the water, she fondled his penis. This was not the end of the sexual abuse. When Rickie was 15 years old, she enticed him to have sex with her at her home while he waited for her son, his friend to come home. The second incident of her sexual abuse of Rickie was overt.
There are six key techniques to abuse-proof your child.
•Avoid spanking your child—spanking is a body boundary violation. Perpetrators target children who have had body boundary violations because they are less apt to protest any unacceptable body boundary violations, are more compliant with adults and are less apt to tell. You can avoid your child from falling prey to these cunning perpetrators by doing everything to avoid making your child a target.
•Avoid touching your child in erotic areas—buttocks, chest, thighs, etc. Perpetrators state they use familiar touch (rubbing the child’s legs, buttocks or hugging/kissing) to desensitize the child before using touch which is sexual in content and intent. If your child is unaccustomed to being touched in erotic areas, he/she will protest immediately. Protesting will either thwart the perpetrator or alert anyone nearby that something is awry.
•Teach your child self-protection by teaching him/her to protest violation of body boundaries or unwanted touch beginning at age two.
•Practice and teach your child good body image.
•Practice and teach your child to TELL YOU EVERYTHING, NO SECRETS FROM MOMMY and DADDY.
•Practice and Teach Appropriate Suspicion—Trust your intuition, (a.k.a Sixth Sense)
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The breast is a vital part of the female body; it's shape, size and perception affects the self-esteem and confidence of a woman. This perhaps is the reason for the surge in the number of women going for breast enlargement surgery, clinically known as Augmentation Mamoplasty, in recent times. Records have it that breast enlargement surgery is the third commonest type of cosmetic surgery performed in the United States and the number of women undergoing breast augmentation has increased over twenty percent in the last couple of years.
Despite the apparent risk involved with breast enlargement and the obvious adverse effects, the number of people undergoing this surgery has always been on the rise. Breast enlargement surgery could cause breast pain, breast hardness or numbness in the nipples that won't go away for months or in some cases, years. It could cause infections that would warrant the removal of the implant, until the infection is cleared. The implant could leak or rupture, wrinkle or change in shape resulting in more surgery to correct or remove the faulty implant. It is even said that the presence of implant in a breast makes it technically difficult to detect cancerous growth in the breast with a mammogram. Yet all these reasons haven't caused women to reconsider their quest for a better breast through surgery. One therefore wonders what these women expect to get from breast enlargement surgery.
Modern society places so much emphasis on body shapes, curves and looks and this seem to be the driving factor in most cosmetic surgery. Most women want to look like the women they see in movies or magazines. We all have an idea of what an ideal body should look like, but in most cases, these imaginings can never be transferred to reality, no matter how hard we manoeuvre, adapt or change the natural body shape, there is a limit to what can be achieved with cosmetics.
With breast enlargement surgery, for instance, it is important to state here that the results that you get after surgery may not necessarily correspond to what you have in mind as the ideal breast shape. The procedure will definitely improve breast shape, size, look and perhaps, firmness. But it is better to have a realistic expectation from the procedure. The outcome of breast enlargement surgery depends on so many individual factors, hence the difference in the results you get, meaning that you are not very likely to come out looking like your ideal Hollywood figure. The more realistic your expectations, the more fulfilled you will be after the procedure.
The outcome of a breast enlargement surgery would depend on factors like health, the structure of your chest, shape of your body, the type of surgical procedure and the size of implant. Prior experience with breast surgery and the skill and experience of the surgical team would also play a role in the end result.
The bottom line is that, though most women find their self esteem, courage, confidence and social acceptance after a breast enlargement procedure, you are more likely to be better off after the surgery if you expect less from the procedure. There is nothing as heart breaking as spending a few grand of your hard earned money only to discover that you didn't really get what you expected. If breast surgery is what you want, then go for it, but be reasonable in what you expect from it.
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Last night you had a commotion with your partner in the bed. Why? For you failed once again to satisfy her sexual urges. If this is the problem you are facing for the last few weeks or months, then it is a high time for you to give some serious thought over it. It is a sure sign of sexual dysfunction and if you go on ignoring it then be ready for a break up from your partner.
Sexual dysfunction can aspire any one at any age. Though a serious problem, but it is definitely curable at any age. Proper treatment with proper medications can return you lost vitality once again and that too significantly.
Sexual dysfunction mainly refers to the inability in a male to sustain a prolonged erection during intercourse or premature ejaculation or even erection hardness. If you somehow experience such problems then there is something you must do. But remember you are not alone and so no need to panic or live your life in depression. Proper medicine with productive results are now available.
In clinical trials Levitra is found to be very effective for overcoming various sexual dysfunctions. Approved by FDA as an erectile dysfunction drug, it enables many men to respond to sexual stimulation. The main ingredient in Levitra- Verdenafil hydrochloride is a very active substance. It helps the user to achieve a satisfactory erection till the act is over.
It’s an oral prescription medicine and a dose a day is enough to achieve much improved erection than before. Generally it is prescribed to consume an hour before intercourse for it takes 30 -60 mins to increase the blood flow into your penis and stimulate it. It comes in 2.5-mg, 5-mg, 10-mg, and 20-mg tablets.
Mild side affects like headache, constipation and runny or stuffy nose are commonly found. But these affects are reversible and as the body get used to it everything becomes normal again. However always consult a doctor for proper dose of the medications. For in some cases a strong dose depending on your problem is also prescribed. Any how Levitra is a boon to many.
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No matter what women say to try to reassure a man that his penis is the right size men always want to improve themselves. There are a variety of different ways that men work to improve their most prized organ. Some of these forms of treatment are more widely accepted than others, and some work better than others.
Other methods that men use to enlarge the "most valuable member" of their body are penis enlargement herbs and medications (or at least they hope these methods will work). Quite a few varieties of herbs have been advertised on the Internet, television, and other places. These can be tried, at the user’s sole discretion. However, these methods are often not reliable. A person needs to carefully take the decision to use any medication or herb for the purpose of penis enlargement. The best way to find this information out would be to contact a doctor who is specialized in penis enlargement remedies.
Other methods on the market available that have been advertised as methods to enlarge penises include pills, creams, exercises, pumps, and stretching devices. Again, these methods are used at a person’s sole discretion. A person is wise to conduct their own research when considering any of these options. For example, the creams can help some, but the main function of a cream is to increase the blood flow within a penis. This will help make the penis appear firmer, and as a result it will also appear larger (but the penis is not actually larger). Penis pumps can also help a man by creating a suction action which will force blood to rush to the end of a man’s penis. This again is not necessarily an enlargement tactic, but it does help increase the firmness of a penis, and helps the penis to appear larger.
One of the most commonly used ways to enlarge a penis is by surgery. A penis enhancement surgery has its advantages and disadvantages. The biggest advantage, of course, is that a guy’s penis could be adequately enlarged. The number one disadvantage of this surgery is that a man risks the possibility of not being able to use his penis at all. This is not meant to scare men, but a man should know the risks that involve the possibility of having a penis enlarged with the use of surgery. Besides, many men have happily reported that they are more satisfied with themselves as a result of this surgery.
Regardless of the method that a man uses to help improve his penile condition it is necessary for that man to do as much research on this issue as possible. It is wise for a man to choose methods that are reviewed by reputable sources such as the FDA, or a very trusted non-government (but legal) source of his choice. In fact, one of the best methods for finding out information regarding penis enlargement methods (besides consulting a medical doctor) is to consult real people. Those real people can be found within penis enlargement forums.
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There have been, perhaps, six critical conversations I’ve had that have shaped my professional consulting career. One of them was with an operations manager at a division of Federal Express.
I had just completed a successful, nationwide training program for the field sales force, so my credibility and confidence were soaring. Then, I heard a simple, but challenging question.
“We know how to measure sales productivity,” he said. “But is there something you can develop that will measure customer service productivity?”
Reflexively, I thought, “Why bother? Even if we can do it, reps will hate it.” But I held my tongue, sensing that this was a rare opportunity to revisit some of my assumptions.
My gut reaction was informed by years of doing seminars across the country in which I brought together sales and service people into the same sessions. Evaluations told me that they felt they were adversaries with mutually exclusive value systems.
Sales types tend to see themselves as swashbucklers, rogues, high-wire types, who crave adventure and embrace risks. They thrive on contingent pay, on the prospect of receiving hefty commissions and bonuses when they make big sales.
Service folks tend to be more risk averse. Often, they have a clerical mentality, which commends accuracy while penalizing mistakes. I sensed, to my core, that if we suggested to them that their pay should be even partly variable, based on achievement, they’d rebel.
This was more than supposition on my part. I had introduced cross-selling programs for years into service departments, experience that informed my best-selling book, Selling Skills For The Non-Salesperson. I found I could design a great sales program for service people, yet many would balk, even after they had achieved success and financial rewards through it.
They explained to me, in a very straightforward way, that they simply didn’t want to be salespeople, and that was that. Noting resistance from the rank and file, senior management, in those days, refused to push for implementation, despite the fact that big profits were being left on the table.
What, if anything, has changed since I was asked this question?
Four crucial things:
(1) We know much more about measuring customer service achievement.
(2) Job enlargement, downsizing, CRM, and the rise of professionalism in companies have all contributed to an expectation of broadened CSR responsibilities and heightened performance.
(3) Global competition, especially from knowledge workers in countries such as India, China, and elsewhere, is beginning to exert pressure on domestic workers to find ways to increase their contributions, if only to keep jobs onshore.
(4) Management is more cost and profit conscious than ever before.
Customer Service Achievement
If there have been three unwritten commandments in the past for being a capable CSR they have boiled down to: (1) Sound nice; (2) Defuse angry customers; and (3) Don’t make mistakes entering or retrieving data or reciting company policies.
Now, associates are being discouraged from focusing primarily on themselves, on customer service, or the motions they go through as they work. They’re being required to focus on outcomes: on customer satisfaction and on customer loyalty.
They’re being shown, through new training and unobtrusive, real-time performance measures, how to evaluate the impacts they’re having on transactional satisfaction and a customer’s decision to buy again from their organizations.
To borrow a phrase from Peter F. Drucker, suddenly the customer handling process is being managed for results.
If we can objectively monitor, measure, manage, and systematically replicate customer results, there’s no reason to deny better pay to the people that can produce them.
Future articles will explore some of the other crucial changes that have occurred, as well as discuss the pragmatics of introducing a pay-for-performance plan into the customer service context.
