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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say. It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened. “Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!” Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet. “Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.” My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me. “Don’t think so.” I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible. “Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.” I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level. “Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.” “You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.” It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick. “Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.” My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged. “Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled. I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on. “Parker? Are you talking to me?” “Well I’m not talking to myself.” I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned. “This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.” “Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …” “You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously. “Should you want I bow wow?” “Holy cow! Parker you are talking.” “Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …” “I can’t believe this.” “Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.” I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued. “I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.” “You’re kidding me right?” “Afraid not.” Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own. “Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?” “Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.” “You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?” “Four hundred.” “Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.” “Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?” “Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.” “That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?” “Yeah.” “She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.” “You are kidding me?” “She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.” “Why?” “Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.” “You know this from the smell of possum poop?” “Excrement.” “Whatever.” “Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?” “Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …” “Penis?” “Well, yeah.” “Jealous are we?” “Well, it’s just that …” “It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.” “Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.” “No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.” “No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.” “You done? Can I get to my concern?” “Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.” “How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?” “You mean global warming?” “It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.” “Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.” “We don’t know dramatic.” “Well give me examples of what you mean.” “First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.” “I don’t smell a thing.” “Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.” “Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?” “We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.” “ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?” “Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.” “Oh yeah, like what else?” “Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.” “What?” “You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized. An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.” “Can you give me a for instance?” “God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.” “Well, I don’t know what to say.” “You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.” “This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.” “In a nut shell, yeah.” It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping. “That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.” “What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically. “You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.” “Then what, already?” I asked impatiently. “You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.” “Ummm … yeah I guess.” “Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!” “All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.” “I’ll see what I can do. No promises.” “So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.” “It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking. “Parker?” Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket. “Parker … are you done? Is that it?” He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep. “Parker … just like that?” He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined. “Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.” I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream. As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days. pnis enlargement supplement pnis enlargement forum free penis enlagement video medical penis enlargement penis enhancement excercises penis enlarement program penile enlargement penis enlargment product penis enhancement system

If you are still waiting for a happiness pill to be invented by scientists, you might not have to wait long. It has been less than a decade since the launch of sildenafil citrate (Viagra) - the first oral drug to help men with erectile dysfunctions. While Viagra is not the first drug to address erectile dysfunction, it is the first drug to be taken orally. Before that, the drugs that were used were either injected directly into the penis, or were inserted into the urethra at the tip of the penis. After Viagra, new drugs from the same class - vardenafil hydrochloride (Levitra) and tadalafil (Cialis) – followed soon. What they have in common is that they are taken an hour before sexual activity, and the chemical reactions they cause lead to increased blood flow in the penis. They should not be taken more than once a day. They should not be taken at all if the patient takes other drugs, because they might combine to cause blood pressure problems or heart attacks. Other oral drugs for erectile dysfunction are said to deliver good results, but for now there is no indisputable evidence that the resulting erection is due to them, rather than to the placebo effect. Some of the oral medications (for instance, testosterone) may damage the liver, so erectile dysfunction drugs should not be taken unless prescribed by a doctor. Drugs which are injected into the penis or inserted into the urethra may lead to stronger and longer erections but they are known for their side effects, such as aching, priapism (persistent erection), bleeding, scarring, etc. And since research is advancing rapidly, it is much better to wait a little longer for a better drug. do penis enlargement pill really work vimax penis pill vigrx penis pills penis enlarement excersizes pro solution pill review penis enhancement product natural penis enlagement exercise home penis enlargement penis enhancement system

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The breast is a vital part of the female body; it's shape, size and perception affects the self-esteem and confidence of a woman. This perhaps is the reason for the surge in the number of women going for breast enlargement surgery, clinically known as Augmentation Mamoplasty, in recent times. Records have it that breast enlargement surgery is the third commonest type of cosmetic surgery performed in the United States and the number of women undergoing breast augmentation has increased over twenty percent in the last couple of years. Despite the apparent risk involved with breast enlargement and the obvious adverse effects, the number of people undergoing this surgery has always been on the rise. Breast enlargement surgery could cause breast pain, breast hardness or numbness in the nipples that won't go away for months or in some cases, years. It could cause infections that would warrant the removal of the implant, until the infection is cleared. The implant could leak or rupture, wrinkle or change in shape resulting in more surgery to correct or remove the faulty implant. It is even said that the presence of implant in a breast makes it technically difficult to detect cancerous growth in the breast with a mammogram. Yet all these reasons haven't caused women to reconsider their quest for a better breast through surgery. One therefore wonders what these women expect to get from breast enlargement surgery. Modern society places so much emphasis on body shapes, curves and looks and this seem to be the driving factor in most cosmetic surgery. Most women want to look like the women they see in movies or magazines. We all have an idea of what an ideal body should look like, but in most cases, these imaginings can never be transferred to reality, no matter how hard we manoeuvre, adapt or change the natural body shape, there is a limit to what can be achieved with cosmetics. With breast enlargement surgery, for instance, it is important to state here that the results that you get after surgery may not necessarily correspond to what you have in mind as the ideal breast shape. The procedure will definitely improve breast shape, size, look and perhaps, firmness. But it is better to have a realistic expectation from the procedure. The outcome of breast enlargement surgery depends on so many individual factors, hence the difference in the results you get, meaning that you are not very likely to come out looking like your ideal Hollywood figure. The more realistic your expectations, the more fulfilled you will be after the procedure. The outcome of a breast enlargement surgery would depend on factors like health, the structure of your chest, shape of your body, the type of surgical procedure and the size of implant. Prior experience with breast surgery and the skill and experience of the surgical team would also play a role in the end result. The bottom line is that, though most women find their self esteem, courage, confidence and social acceptance after a breast enlargement procedure, you are more likely to be better off after the surgery if you expect less from the procedure. There is nothing as heart breaking as spending a few grand of your hard earned money only to discover that you didn't really get what you expected. If breast surgery is what you want, then go for it, but be reasonable in what you expect from it.