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The holidays are touted to be the time of year to be joyful and most of all have fun and spend time with family and/or friends. For some, however, the holidays when families and/or friends gather to celebrate and share the joy of the season are not joyful. Because family matters are conducted behind closed doors this 'unhappy event' goes unnoticed and the victim of this cruel experience takes its toll. I speak of the unspeakable—sexual child abuse. Countless children are abused at family gatherings. While everyone is talking, laughing and having a good time, beloved Uncle Lewey, Grandpa or family friend, walks out of the living room (ostensibly to go to the bathroom) but instead goes into his niece's/granddaughter's or family friend’s room, where she is 'hanging out.' He nonchalantly chats with her and before she realizes what he is about to do, he has planted a kiss on her lips and forced his tongue into her mouth and/or fondles her breast. He then tells her she is so sexy he couldn’t stop himself, she is very special and it is their secret or he threatens her that if she tells he will say she is a 'liar' or worse yet, she 'came onto' him. Thus, she is forced into silence and shame. While I realize this scenario is difficult to fathom, it is all too real and all too frequent. However, this scenario doesn't need to end tragically, something can be done to prevent or mitigate it. No one is born a molester, yet all too often victims become perpetrators. Sexual child abuse has become a family tradition-Uncle Lewey was abused by his father, mother, uncle, cousin or aunt and now he has abused his niece. Or grandpa was abused by someone and he now has abused his granddaughter. How, you may ask, can this be possible when so many people are around-no one would risk being seen sexually abusing a child? Unfortunately, this rationalization merely avoids accepting the truth about sexual abuse perpetrators. It only takes a second to abuse a child. Furthermore, few people recognize what constitutes sexual child abuse. Sexual touch—a sensuous or ‘wet’ kiss on the lips, touching or fondling erogenous areas cause as much trauma as genital contact. All sexual abuse and/or sexual touch is damaging because it is first and foremost a betrayal of trust. PREVENTION is possible. However, for a child to be able to prevent this experience, she or he needs to have knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection. Without knowledge of and permission to exercise self-protection, the only defense a child has against any kind of abuse is to accept the blame. A child cannot conceive the idea, "My father, uncle, mother, grandpa, grandma, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, friend, teacher, or baby-sitter is sick and is harming me." Therefore, the only way to survive sexual abuse or incest is to assume that it is his or her fault. A child has unquestioning trust for everyone in the family or persons of acquaintance or authority. Parents generally teach girls to be passive, compliant, non-assertive, co-operative and reward them for doing so. Girls are raised to be 'quiet, sweet and pretty' they are never to make a 'scene.' It is not surprising then, that girls are (according to statistics) twice as likely to be sexually abused. Perpetrators know who and how to target their victims. Boys are taught, expected and praised to be tough and self-assured, even at times when something troubles them. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior usually means passivity while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Self-protection offers a direct and effective way to empower children to help themselves. Since perpetrators cunningly and with forethought sets the stage to perpetrate this crime in secrecy, who is better able than the child to protect him or herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize; they sense this by the child's demeanor, body language and facial expressions. They sense the fear, the helplessness, their compliant attitude and their passivity. Perpetrators choose victims who they assume will keep their secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. The first response the majority of people form when hearing of sexual abuse or incest is denial. 'I do not have to be concerned about that in my community. This would never happen in my family.' The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses children may seem very average and ordinary to the world. He or she may be a leader in the church, in the community or in business. He or she does not fit a classic stereotype and is not necessarily uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic. Furthermore, we find sexual abuse and incest even more difficult to believe or accept when the person we like, admire, love, and/or marry is the perpetrator of the abuse. Tragically, the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sexual abuse perpetrators leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases the likelihood that they will be abused. 'Traditionally, incest was defined as: sexual intercourse between two persons too closely related to marry legally--sex between siblings, first cousins, the seduction by fathers of their daughters. This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not completely describe what children are experiencing. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we need to look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and his or her perpetrator. Thus, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now relies less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the experience of the child. Incest is both sexual abuse and an abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is using the victim, treating them in a way that they do not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom a different relationship is required. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wishes of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the child's expense. If the experience has sexual meaning for another person, in lieu of a nurturing purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If it is unwanted or inappropriate for her age or the relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] can occur through words, sounds, or even exposure of the child to sights or acts that are sexual but do not involve her. If she is forced to see what she does not want to see, for instance, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced into an experience that is sexual in content or overtone that is abuse. As long as the child is induced into sexual activity with someone who is in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived through the perpetrator's age, size, status, or relationship, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has been violated. (E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors)." Sexual abuse can be as subtle (covert) as any person showing pornographic pictures or movies to a child. It is any man hugging a child while pressing his hard penis against her. It is anyone consistently invading a child's privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching her unaware and indisposed. It is playfully pulling her swimsuit bottom down in the pool or pulling her panties down without her permission. Sexual abuse is anyone bathing the child when the child is old enough to bathe herself. It is any person who touches or caresses the child in ways she does not like or in ways that are sexual. It is any man holding a child on his lap when he has an erection. It is any trusted adult who stares at or makes comments about the child's body. It is anyone kissing the child in a way that is sexual for the giver. It is seemingly innocuous touching, wrestling, tickling, or playing which has sexual overtones or meaning for the other person. Sexual abuse is as blatant (overt) as instructing or asking the child to lie in bed in an intimate position, fondling, digital, penis or object penetration of the rectum or vagina, or instructing a child to perform oral sex or performing oral sex on the child. It is forcing the child to touch others or be touched by others, including other children. A classic example of covert sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by a 39 year-old woman who came to me after having a severe panic attack. During our investigation as to what was the root cause of the panic attack she revealed she had been sexually abused when she was nine by a 'nice man,' who was a family friend. "He helped me on with my coat while attending a family gathering. As he adjusted my coat onto my shoulder, he fondled my breast." This type fondling is often times referred to as 'coping a feel.' No matter the label, it is sexual abuse and causes damage. As an adult woman you know how icky it feels when a man 'cops a feel.' Can you imagine what it would feel like for a nine-year-old, who has no information to comprehend and emotionally resolve what she experienced? Overt sexual abuse is openly sexual and apparent. Although there may be an attempt to deny that it is abusive, there is no attempt to hide the fact that it is sexual in nature. Covert sexual abuse is more insidious. Thus, identifying it is harder, because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The perpetrator acts as if she or he is doing something non-sexual, when in fact he or she is being sexual. The betrayal then becomes two-fold. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or deceived about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his or her perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into disbelief. Thus, the child doubts his or her perceptions and feelings and believes that there is something wrong with himself or herself because he or she feels terrible. To make matters worse, everyone around her or him acts as if nothing is wrong. Thus, she or he feels crazy, as if she or he is the one with the problem. A classic example of overt sexual abuse while people are present is exemplified by the incident a client, who is a sexual abuse survivor, reported about seeing her father (her perpetrator) kiss her one-year-old niece on the pubic area after her niece had taken a bath. Her sister, the child's mother, the child's grandmother, (wife of the perpetrator) were present. "My sister and mother (the child's grandmother) laughed and I got sick to the stomach. Am I over reacting," she asked. Obviously, her sister and mother are unaware of the definition of sexual abuse. Except for the fact this woman was in recovery and could clarify the experience she would not have considered it sexual abuse either. The frightening truth about sexual abuse and incest perpetrators is that within their mindset, they do not hold beliefs reflecting society's moral and ethical values. Because of a child's innocence and trust of the abuser, usually pressure or violence is not required. Thus, the sexual abuse or incest perpetrator can unequivocally state, "Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It's not in my heart. It's not who I am." Michael Jackson, 1993. Sexual abuse and incest perpetrators frequently pass lie detector tests. They feel no inner conflict with what they have done. Their moral and ethical values do not reflect the standards on which the test is based. If you have the slightest cause for concern, trust your intuition and seek professional intervention. Trusting and acting on our intuition or sixth sense is paramount to protecting children from perpetrators, no matter whether they are family members, family friends, doctors, dentists, teachers, etc. When intuitiveness or a sixth sense has been activated in detecting danger, it can be identified by a change in one's physiology. First: Accept the fact that sexual abuse perpetrators may seem very average and ordinary to the world. In spite of all the reports of sexual abuse by pillars of the community-teachers, clergy, coaches, we still want to cling to the belief that a sexual abuse perpetrator is the disheveled man with a scraggly beard, wearing a dirty trench coat. It is difficult to believe the people we like, admire, trust and love would do such a heinous thing. Second: Accept the definition of sexual abuse. (See definition above) Third: Know the signs your child is being targeted: Self-protection offers a direct and effective method for children to protect themselves. Who, other than the child, is in a better position to protect him/herself? Perpetrators say they can sense a child to victimize. They can tell by the child's demeanor, body language, and facial expression. They sense the fear, the helplessness, the passivity. They chose a child who is easily intimidated or controlled so hopefully the child won't tell. Secrecy is paramount for the perpetrator. Whenever a person is traumatized, he or she resorts to familiar behavior; for girls this behavior is usually passivity, while boys usually 'tough it out'-thinking if they are strong and unemotional, no harm can occur. Sexual crimes against children can only be committed if the perpetrator finds someone who will hopefully keep the secret. No child needs to fall prey to these cunning predators. There are seven child tested, parent approved sexual child abuse prevention techniques, which will protect your child from the most cunning predators. If you heed and investigate these warning signals you can prevent continued abuse. Warning signals include: • * an aversion to a person, place or event. • * outbursts of anger and there is no apparent reason known for such anger. • * any unusual or unexplained behavior change. Ceasing an activity that was once done without hesitation. • * not wanting to be around a particular person. • * family member/friend seems to foster a relationship with your child more for him/herself than for your child. • * secretiveness between the child and adult Fourth: What to do: • * Teach Good/Appropriate Touch with regard to anyone. • * Teach Appropriate Body Boundaries with regard to anyone. • * Foster Self-Esteem and Good Body Image • * Teach the "Tell Mommy and Daddy Everything-No Secrets rule. • * Allow your child to command respect regarding dislikes and touch with family members, friends or authority figures. • * Talk with and listen to your child until you are satisfied the aversion is unrelated to improper behavior by anyone. • * Check on your child occasionally whenever they are with another adult or other times to become 'known' as an attentive parent. • * Trust and honor your child's intuitive reactions. If your child feels uncomfortable with someone, respect their intuitive sense—honor their intuitive sense. • * Appropriate Suspicion—trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense is paramount. If you have confusion regarding a person's actions, nagging/persistent thoughts or feelings, hesitation, general suspicion, apprehension, fear, doubt, a hunch, curiosity regarding a person's actions or statements, or questions regarding a person's proclamation that is not substantiated by their actions—trust your intuition or sixth sense. • * If you err in evaluating the situation, make the error on the side of caution. The important factor is not that you have avoided offending someone, but that you have protected your child's interest. • * Remember it only takes a second to sexually abuse anyone—child or adult do penile enlargement pills work penile enlargment before and after photo penis enlagement photo manual penis enlagement permanent penis enhancement home penis enlarement vimax best penis enlargement pills medical penile enlargement
Today, here, and around the world, many people have considered having Cosmetic Surgery, or Plastic Surgery performed. Many more have had plastic surgery done, some with multiple procedures. Plastic Surgery, by definition, is a broad term for operative manual and instrumental treatment which is performed for functional or aesthetic reasons. Medical treatment for Facial injuries dates back over 4,000 years. The word "plastic" is a derivative of the Greek word plastikos meaning to mould or shape; however, contrary to common belief, the term “plastic surgery” is not related to modern plastics at all. Cosmetic Surgery was first known to have been performed in Roman times. The Romans had the ability to perform simple procedures such as repairing damaged ears, in modern times referred to as Otoplasty, this is one of the most simple of procedures. One report discusses a patient getting his earlobes repaired after years of wearing heavy earrings. The excess lobes were trimmed and the hole sewn together. One of the more expensive plastic surgeries performed at the time, the removal of branding and scars, was a commonly executed procedure. Freed slaves paid a high price indeed for this type of surgery. It was felt that this common practice reduced the stigma of having been a slave in this ancient times. In ancient India physicians were able to use skin graft reconstruction techniques as early as 800 B.C. From ancient times to the early nineteenth century, we find a living tradition of plastic operations of the nose, ear and lip. The Kangra (correctly pronounced as 'Kangada') district in Himachal Pradesh was most famous for its plastic surgeons. Some scholars are of the opinion that the word 'Kangada' is made from 'Kana + gadha' (ear repair). The British archaeologist Sir Alexander Cunningham (1814-93) had written about the tradition of Kangra plastic surgery procedures. We also have information that in the reign of Akber ,a Vaidya named Bidha used to carry out plastic operations in Kangra. The Charaka-Sanhita and the Sushruta-Sanhita are among the oldest known manuscripts on Ayurveda (the Indian science of medicine). Chronologically speaking, the Charaka-Sanhita is believed to be the earliest work, and deals with medicine proper and containing a few passages on surgery. The Sushruta-Sanhita, a work of the early centuries of the Christian era, mainly deals with surgical knowledge rather than medicine. The extant Sushruta-Sanhita is, according to its commentator Dalhanacharya (of twelth century AD), a amendment by Nagarjuna. The original Sushruta-Sanhita was based on a series of lectures between Kashiraj Divodas (or Dhanvantari) and his disciples, Sushruta and others. In 15th Century Europe, a man by the name of Heinrich von Pfolspeundt , a German physician and a member of the Teutonic Order of Knights was one of the first known Europeans to have performed cosmetic surgery. Dr. Pfolspeundt was one of the first doctors of the late medieval and early Renaissance period to take medical practices beyond the very crude conditions that had existed through much of the Middle Ages. During his time, a good number of German physicians, especially those in Strasbourg, helped to serve the advancement of the study of medicine. Dr. Pfolspeundt described a procedure to make a new nose for a person who lacks one. He stated that by removing skin from the back of the arm and suturing it into place a new nose could be created. From Italy we have records that would indicate that in the year 1442, Branca, a surgeon of Catania in Sicily, carried out plastic surgery of the nose, Also known as rhinoplasty, using a skin flap from the face. This procedure was very similar to the one described in the Sushruta-Sanhita, an Ayurvedic compendium composed in the early centuries of the Christian era. His son Antonio continued his work and was the first known to use a skin flap from the arm for reconstructing the nose. The Boinias family carried on with his work. The plastic operations carried out by the Boinia brothers are described in a book published in 1568 by Fioravanti, a doctor of Bologna, Italy. At the hands of Gasparo Tagliacozzi (1546-99), a professor of surgery and of anatomy at the Bologna University, that plastic surgery attained wide fame in Europe. His book De curtorum chirurgia per insitionem (The surgery of defects by implantation), printed in 1597, was the first scientific composition on plastic surgery. Tagliacozzi had described a method of substitution of the nose by skin from the arm and of replacement of the ears and lips, demonstrating his work throughout his manuscript by way of a large number of illustrations. The Church dignitaries of the time regarded cosmetic surgery as an interference in the affairs of the Almighty. After his death they not only excommunicated Tagliacozzi, but also had his corpse exhumed from its church grave, and placed it in unconsecrated ground. The great Voltaire (1694-1778) wrote a satirical poem on Tagliacozzi and his operation on the nose, using flap from the buttocks. However, due to the many dangers of surgery in those times, cosmetic surgery was rarely performed until around the 1900’s. The United States first plastic surgeon was Dr. John Peter Mettauer, born in Virginia in 1787, who in 1827 performed the first cleft palate surgery on record with instruments he himself designed. There are two very broad fields of aesthetic surgery, Cosmetic Surgery and Reconstructive Surgery. Reconstructive surgery, including microsurgery, focuses on undoing or masking the destructive effects of trauma, previous surgery or disease. Examples of such operations are the rebuilding of amputated or damaged arms or legs; repairing cleft palates or lips, badly formed noses, and ears; and reconstructing a breast after mastectomy. Reconstructive surgery may include moving tissue from other parts of the body to the affected area. Cosmetic surgery however, is an elective surgery, usually done more for aesthetic reasons rather than to repair an injured area. In many cases, however, there are medical reasons for having some procedures done, such as breast reduction (for back pain relief) and Mastopexy (also known as a “breast lift). Cosmetic Surgery includes, but is not limited to, Abdominoplasty, or “tummy tuck”, Blepharoplasty, or “eyelid surgery”, Augmentation Mammaplasty, or "breast enlargement”, and Rhytidectomy, or "face lift". There are many more procedures not listed here that are commonly performed as well. The top five surgical procedures in 2004 Liposuction (325,000), nose reshaping (305,000), breast augmentation (264,000), eyelid surgery (233,000), and facelift (114,000). As you can see, Plastic Surgery has a longstanding history across the ages. It has helped not only in the reconstructive plastic surgery field but also has allowed people to feel more comfortable with their bodies and more confident about themselves. penile enlargement pic penis enlarement device vimax penis enlargement forum pennis enlargement cream online vig rx penis elargement review guide to penis enargement penile enlargment excersizes does penis enlarement work
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The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about who should hold the responsibility of educating young people about sex and sexuality. On one side of the spectrum there are those who believe that parents and only parents should be teaching such sensitive and value-fill information to kids. On the other side, there are those who say that not enough education is being done in the home and that the schools need to step up and do the right thing by kids. To further the debate and increase its complexity is the question about what exactly kids need to know and when. President Bush has issued his own view on the matter by granting government funding for those schools and programs that provide “abstinent only” education, meaning that there is no discussion about anything but abstaining from sex until marriage. Many people believe, and most research proves, that this message severely short changes children and could potentially set them up for making bad and or even life threatening decisions. Many parents that I talk to believe in comprehensive education (talking about all aspects of sex and sexuality including abstinence), and are always comforted to hear that research is firm in showing that kids want to hear it from their parents and often make better choices when they have had those parental conversations. But…..parents as sex educators…. This prospect for some is almost as frightening as the concept of kids having sex. Take it from me; it doesn’t have to be frightening. There is so much information available that anyone, even parents, can do a great job. There are just a few things to keep in mind in order to be successful. A. Be honest and open. The rule is that if a kid asks a question, he got the idea from somewhere and needs to have an age appropriate response. Ignoring the question or telling a child that he/she shouldn’t be asking about such things sends the message that certain questions are off limits and they will take those questions elsewhere, school friends for example, who don’t always have the correct answers or have the family values that you would want articulated in mind. Keep in mind the "age appropriate" part of this tip. As parents we don't want our kids to know to much to soon, but developmentally, they may be more advanced and ready to hear more than you think. If you aren't sure, look it up. B. It is ok to share your values and morals and what you expect for your family. I think that often parents feel like they can’t express their own expectations for their children when they educate about sexuality. You can talk about methods of pregnancy and disease prevention at the same time that you are talking about abstinence and relationship building. One is not exclusive of the other. C. It is also ok to set limits and boundaries where you need. Talking about a penis in the middle of the grocery store is not appropriate. Those types of situations can easily be handled by telling a child that his or her question is valid and important, but would be much better dealt with at home. The thing to remember here is that you must go back to your child with the question when you said you would. Thinking that your child will just forget and you’ll be off the hook does nothing for your credibility. And trust me, your kids will not forget, they will just remind you that you forgot when it suits their needs. D. Often times a parent will get a question about a topic or a situation that they are not comfortable with or have very little information about. It is critical for parents to know and believe that they do not have to be experts in sex education. They must be able to, however, know their limits and know where to get the resources they need to refer their children for the right answers. It is also ok to admit to your child that you aren’t the best person to talk about this topic, but that you know the person who is. E. As difficult as it may be, it is also important to completely understand what your child is asking and why he/she is asking the question. I heard a story once that a little girl asked her Dad what secs was. Hearing this, Dad automatically assumed that she was asking about sex and went into his whole birds and bees lecture. When he was finished he asked his daughter why she had asked the question. The young daughter stated that mom said that dinner would be done in a couple of secs. She just wanted to know what that meant. Clarifying the question is vital to making sure that you are answering their questions thoroughly and completely. F. Bone up on your own education. It is not enough that your children know about the latest method of birth control, you should also know. Know what it is that kids are talking about and thinking about when it comes to sexuality. Go to teen websites, read teen magazines, have conversations with your kids. The more information you have the better you can educate your kids. G. Take advantage of teachable moments. Kids won’t always want to talk to their parents. Especially if you haven’t set up your home environment this way. So you may have to bring up a subject out of the blue. Use situations that you see on television shows or articles that you have read to get kids opinions. Ask them what they think. Share with them what you think and why. For example, you are watching the latest episode of The Bachelor. Ask you child how they feel about having intimate relationships with so many people in such a short time. Discuss the messages that you think the show sends, find out what messages your child is receiving. How do they feel about group dates? Anything to open up those lines of communication. So, what do you do when the big day comes and your child asks you a tough question? You can start by using the C.A.L.M. method of answering. C- Clarify the question. Ask the child why the question is being asked. Where did the topic come up? What does the child know about the topic or what does he/she think the answers are. This will definitely make sure that you are staying on the right track. A- Answer the question basically. I like to think about building blocks when answering tough questions. You start with the most basic answer and then build on that answering from the next level and so on. Try to avoid the tendency to lecture. Kids, especially young ones, rarely listen to a long explanation; they only are listening for they think they want to hear. This could become problematic in that kids will not hear the correct answer or they will interpret incorrectly what you have said. L- Listen to your child response. By answering basically you allow your child to let you know if he/she got the complete answer they were looking for. If they ask you another question, you know you need to go to the next building block. Don’t forget to watch for body language too. Some children may not have the words to ask more questions. But you know your child and you will know when his body language shows that he isn’t clear or in completion with your answer. M- Motivate your child to continue to feel comfortable to ask more questions. Letting kids know that you are a safe person to come back to and that you will continue to answer their questions will keep them doing so. We all want to do what is best for our kids, and for most of us, their safety is priority one. Use these tips to approach sexuality education in your own home with confidence! natural penis enlarement and lengthening penile enlargment surgery manual pennis enlargement penis elargement review penis enlargment tip penis enargement before and after picture best penis enlargment pills homemade penis enhancement does penis enlarement work
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